Thursday, January 10, 2013

On again off again...

Anyone else have those on again off again arguments conversations with God? Melissa and I have been in one of those for what seems like about 6 months now. In fact, if you look at the post just below here from July, it sort of hints at that, and probably why this blog has gone dark since. There for a while we just KNEW what we were supposed to do. So we....

  • Had 2 garage sales
  • Sold a bunch of stuff on Craigslist
  • Sold some other stuff to a jewelry store
  • Saved up some $$$
  • Threw this $$$ at the adoption agency
  • Filled out a truck load of paperwork
Then it happened....

We were down to the very last item, me getting my physical and blood work. This in and of itself is no big deal, it's just a logistical pain in the rear! Our family doctor only does blood work 2 days or something stupid like that, and they are NEVER timely when I go over there and end up missing a half a day of work just to draw blood. I went to an appointment, had to leave for an important meeting because they couldn't poke my finger for at least another hour after my scheduled time, couldn't reschedule for another couple of weeks, blah, blah, blah. 

Then we found out the 2 children our agency had been in the process of getting assigned had been placed, ouch! Now, we don't know what a physical miscarriage is like as we never experienced it, but this is probably what I imagine it would emotionally feel like. I'm not sure Melissa and I talked about it for many days, we had just lost 2 children! This lead to the, "that's it, I'm done" declaration to God. And we both meant it. So that settled it, we were done. It's too stressful, we're getting too old, I don't want to raise any more money, we're tired of people asking when are we traveling, we're focusing on other things for a while... did you hear me?

WE ARE DONE!

God patiently listened and said nothing, for quite a long time. Then one day, I don't remember when, like a faint whisper, I could sense something. "Are you ready to talk about it again?" It came as such a loving nudge from God. I was overcome with a sense of loving warmth and God's desire to speak to me and my heart. It was really just a simple, "it's not time to give up, there is more".

I scheduled some time with Herbe at Lifeline to understand the logistics of waiting. I was so encouraged by him and his staff, they are truly amazing workers for God! So I am going to find a way to get that stupid blood work done, and we're going to sit and wait for a while. Our home study and majority of our paperwork is good for a while, at least long enough to sit and listen more.

Now, if I can just learn to listen as patiently and lovingly to my kids as God has done with us during the past 6 months!

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